Tuesday, November 11, 2008


I am tired, I am afraid.
I fear.

I am afraid of the monster that would take me away if I don't behave myself.
I am afraid of every crushed lemon waiting to unleash its curses on the person stepping on it.
I am afraid of the ghosts lurking in the dark waiting to make a nice meal out of me.
I am afraid of the vampires on the trees in graveyard.
I am afraid of mails and sms telling me to forward to ten people or else god would punish me.
I am afraid of god and his punishment.
I am afraid of my name, making it spell “Onkkaar” would change my luck, yesterday my numerologist told.
I am afraid of the number 13.
I am afraid of what the next person would think of me.
I am afraid of what society thinks of me.
I am afraid that I won't be able to give justifications.
I am afraid of the question mark.
I am afraid of Reason, I go for faith.
I am afraid of knowledge, ignorance is bliss, for it creates god and I feel happy when he is responsible for everything.
I am afraid of responsibilities.
I am afraid of my own image in the mirror.
I am afraid of the truth.

I am tired, I am afraid.
I fear.
This fear is consuming me.

I want to break free.
I want freedom from this fear.
I want to live.


vishal said...

kharay !!
baryach diwsanni lihilas ! keep it up

Manasi said...

So you have graduated from couplets(which were quite amusing) to much longer and serious non-prosaic form :)
nice one actually.
I am reminded of Shawshank Redemption where the old man who leaves the Prison after 40 years talks about he's constantly in fear. The context is ofcourse not the same, but just got reminded.

Keep writing.

Mukta said...

ah! a new post after a long time :)
the pome is like a compilation of the tiniest of unspoken fears and the widely acknowledged ones too...
liked it :)

Mukta said...

on second thoughts another one about all the things in the whole wide world that you absolutely don't fear would make for an interesting contrast...

heliophile said...

An important addition which came to me much later:

"I am afraid of being different"

Because there are so many things we do only because others do it and the justification we give to ourselves is "just because everyone else does it"


Anu said...

Fear is the key..sometimes it drives certain things, at other times it inhibits other things in life..we are all afraid of a lot of things, to be free from a few fears at least would make a difference :) Well written!

Suneel Madhekar said...

Fear is valuable in an organism's struggle for survival. Fear for life. Fear of death. Fear of a predator. Fear of hunger. Fear of extreme cold or heat. Fear of pain. Fear of an unknown situation or place. At this level, fear is natural, and every organism, including the most ferocious of carnivores, feel it all the time.

Humans, being animals themselves, are no exceptions to fear. Man, however, has learnt more about nature than any other animal. Man has found simple principles of nature, in the form of scientific laws. Man, however, has failed to find an explanation for certain important events such as death, accidents and natural disasters. These events, are random. And men fear such randomness. Most superstitions and blind-beliefs such as astrology, numerology and palmistry have their roots in this fear. The concept of God, and of religion, also has its roots in this fear.

Fear of the uncomfortable truth, is an unfortunate, but a completely natural animal response.

heliophile said...


True, fear is completely natural. And as you said, "Most superstitions and blind-beliefs such as astrology, numerology and palmistry have their roots in this fear. The concept of God, and of religion, also has its roots in this fear."

Natural fear is totally acceptable, but fear which originates from lack of clear thoughts is not.

If it is a natural animal response, let it be restricted as a response to only natural phenomena like the ones you mentioned: life, death, hunger, predator, adverse situations.

Another point is, thought fear is valuable, courage is also valuable. Courage combined with thought has inspired humans to fight fear and to make it to the highest point of evolution pyramid.

The poem talks about the lack of courage shown to face the fear and subsequently enabling blind fears to take over human beings.

Suneel Madhekar said...

Courage and the willingness to fight is indeed valuable to any animal... "Fight" and "flight", both are equally valuable survival strategies.

Indeed, fear of the kind that you talk about, arises out of ignorance. And, as Rabindranath Tagore said, we all should strive to make this land, a place "where the mind is without fear, and the head is held high".

Akshay said...

We have developed a thinking wherein we view God and religion as synonymous...To throw a little different light on it, one should view the two as separate concepts or entities..Historically religion was created by man to establish a social order, to build a community.And to give it credibility he attributed the rules or directive that were set in the religion to God...The concept of God has originated through love and gratitude..Our ancestors considered the powers of nature as God because they gave them warmth,water,wind,food etc..If one goes thru any of the ancient texts one observes a language of affection towards God and not one of fear...I may be wrong but I feel one can develop a God-loving mentality instead of a God-fearing mentality...it will go a long way in building a relationship among humans which goes beyond classes,races,religion..

sushant said...

This is the whole ideology of Black Metal when it truly started... Is fear, religion and faith? Is Satan, freedom then?... You may not listen to their music, but you sure are linked to them telepathically :)

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