Thursday, August 16, 2007

The pursuit of happiness

Hi friends,

I wanted to write something on this topic since weeks but somehow these days I am not keen on anything. Yet the impulse to write has overpowered the lack of sufficient material hence this half-hearted effort.

Few days ago, again I was off-colour, once more a bit depressed mood. That shadow it seems always hangs around me. Sometimes it gets bigger, sometimes smaller and only for those precious moments like noon it completely disappears. Enough of analogy, engineering inculcates into you this habit of modelling.

I just went to a psychiatrist, he is my one of best friend's dad. A gold medallist and social worker and so on. I had a heart-to-heart talk with him. I discussed my general problems, namely disinterest in almost everything etc which finally boils down to lack of happiness.

Again discussion came to same point. Where does this fellow called happiness live? Whats its address? Why does it always disappear after giving momentary glimpses? Where do I catch him?

Well, what do you think? Different people become happy due to different reasons. Some people become happy watching sunset, some become sad by the same. Some people like studying, some people loathe it. Some people like walking in rains, others prefer staying at home. Some people like to be among people, others like nothing like solitude. Some people like classical music, others just make long faces when it comes to that. Some people like the sound of coins and there are people who just dedicate themselves to social work not caring a damn about money. This list is simply endless. How can we conclude that there is happiness stored in anything?

And yet there are people of both kinds. People who do things they like and are happy like wee flowers and there are people who do things they think they like and still look unhappy.

Sometimes I just think that running behind happiness is like running along a circle thinking that you can reach the point lying just behind you. The more you run, more you get tired, the more you get unhappy. As many of sages have said, these days are making me realize more and more that happiness lies within you and it is not something to be obtained but something to be created (which Doctor unc told me, some things are not realized without being told :) ).

Just close your eyes, forget all your worries for a moment, remember all those joyous moments and hey, you suddenly feel happy. Open your eyes, start thinking about all those deadlines, all your worries and suddenly Ms. Happiness disappears ( I call it Ms. Happiness :) ) Again forget all your worries and Ms. Happiness is right there, winking at you.

Right ho ! These days I am trying to learn to be happy. For the first time last month , while watching Fed-Rafa match I didn't get anxious and consequently tense, unhappy. Just told myself that come on, its just there to have fun, both victory and loss are to be enjoyed. For the first time, I didn't flinch in front of my guide here. Just said, its simple, if I flinch, I'll make more mistakes (than I was supposed to make) then suddenly all those tingling sensations disappeared within few minutes which used to haunt me in every meeting with my guide (but not disappeared those mistakes, mistakes and me are like two-in-one pack :) ).

Yes, I am trying to learn to be happy (no guarantee that I'll learn it completely).

Enjoy and take care,

P.S. By the way, is there any difference between peace of mind and happiness?


Anu said...

Happiness, aren't we all in pursuit of it! Well written, sometimes writing about it makes you feel better. There is this common thread among most of out lives, and in borders on depression/loneliness/ it anything, just have to find ways to overcome it! You seem to have found your mantra, keep at it :)
Wish we could talk over things over a coffee, but for now, words are all i have :)

sushant said...

Some live to remember, Some live to forget...
Some run behind the red tram, Some take a lazy walk home...
Weird it may seem, to an engineer
To a painter, its still not complete...
Broken habbits, new addictions
A song to start the day, A riddle not so easy so as to appear in a newspaper...
A thousand miles in the blue sea and a bottle of scotch, The chase is better than the catch...

vinay said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
vinay said...

Candid confessions of a disturbed mind leading to a sort of renaissance towards better things..Very well written Onkar...Its something which is so very rampant in all individuals and and still most are unsure about it..According to me only a mind which is content can be happy...Or lets say theres nothing called as happiness, what we feel as happiness is a state of utmost satisfaction. There are many avenues to achieve this satisfaction and differ from person to person. When you do something wich you feel is righteous you feel satisfied with your efforts; when you know that you have been sincere in your attempts, you feel content; when you feel you are not doing so, I have found that praying and self-conversations can work wonders and restore normal, or should I say abnormal, efforts and performance; when you make the people around you happy it automatically spreads to you. It is often worthwhile to think of the immense fortune that we have been blessed with to have such a great family which is always behind you, rooting for you and your greatest strength; to have so many others who love you for what you are; to be taught and guided by many caring teachers; to be having such a great bunch of friends who have been there with you through all your exploits providing the best of support and inspiration. It's these elements which must make you fearless; for you are never alone. Thanks for writing this Onkar because it helped me think and write something after a very long time.

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