Hi friends,
I wanted to write something on this topic since weeks but somehow these days I am not keen on anything. Yet the impulse to write has overpowered the lack of sufficient material hence this half-hearted effort.
Few days ago, again I was off-colour, once more a bit depressed mood. That shadow it seems always hangs around me. Sometimes it gets bigger, sometimes smaller and only for those precious moments like noon it completely disappears. Enough of analogy, engineering inculcates into you this habit of modelling.
I just went to a psychiatrist, he is my one of best friend's dad. A gold medallist and social worker and so on. I had a heart-to-heart talk with him. I discussed my general problems, namely disinterest in almost everything etc which finally boils down to lack of happiness.
Again discussion came to same point. Where does this fellow called happiness live? Whats its address? Why does it always disappear after giving momentary glimpses? Where do I catch him?
Well, what do you think? Different people become happy due to different reasons. Some people become happy watching sunset, some become sad by the same. Some people like studying, some people loathe it. Some people like walking in rains, others prefer staying at home. Some people like to be among people, others like nothing like solitude. Some people like classical music, others just make long faces when it comes to that. Some people like the sound of coins and there are people who just dedicate themselves to social work not caring a damn about money. This list is simply endless. How can we conclude that there is happiness stored in anything?
And yet there are people of both kinds. People who do things they like and are happy like wee flowers and there are people who do things they think they like and still look unhappy.
Sometimes I just think that running behind happiness is like running along a circle thinking that you can reach the point lying just behind you. The more you run, more you get tired, the more you get unhappy. As many of sages have said, these days are making me realize more and more that happiness lies within you and it is not something to be obtained but something to be created (which Doctor unc told me, some things are not realized without being told :) ).
Just close your eyes, forget all your worries for a moment, remember all those joyous moments and hey, you suddenly feel happy. Open your eyes, start thinking about all those deadlines, all your worries and suddenly Ms. Happiness disappears ( I call it Ms. Happiness :) ) Again forget all your worries and Ms. Happiness is right there, winking at you.
Right ho ! These days I am trying to learn to be happy. For the first time last month , while watching Fed-Rafa match I didn't get anxious and consequently tense, unhappy. Just told myself that come on, its just there to have fun, both victory and loss are to be enjoyed. For the first time, I didn't flinch in front of my guide here. Just said, its simple, if I flinch, I'll make more mistakes (than I was supposed to make) then suddenly all those tingling sensations disappeared within few minutes which used to haunt me in every meeting with my guide (but not disappeared those mistakes, mistakes and me are like two-in-one pack :) ).
Yes, I am trying to learn to be happy (no guarantee that I'll learn it completely).
Enjoy and take care,
Onkar
P.S. By the way, is there any difference between peace of mind and happiness?
