As my scheduled flight to US is only 48 hours away, though its difficult to admit, I am feeling very much homesick. Though I was away for two years at Bangalore (managing only 3 trips to home in two years) and at Pune for two more years, I never really got that kinda feeling.

Home is where heart is!

sigh !

I happen to know few "special" children, though not directly but through my family. A slight thought of them makes me highly uncomfortable and upset, which I am now.

Forget the lofty aims of understanding universe and ourselves, even if science succeeds in healing the agonies of such people I'd say it has done its bit.

sigh! :(

Brain and Consciousness

"Lofty questions about the mind are fascinating to ask - philosophers have been asking them for three millennia both in my native India and in the West - but it is only in the brain we can eventually hope to find the answers."
- VS Ramachandran, author of "A Brief Tour to Consciousness" and a neuroscientist by profession at UCSD.

Its a highly gripping book I read recently. It is neither deeply technical nor very philosophical. A very down-to-earth book connecting brain and consciousness through a series of anecdotes.

I am really glad that the book affirmed my views that abstract philosophical discussions are of very little use. You can also infer from the book that we should actually know about the things like pain, happiness, sorrow, emotions, desire and so on before we discuss them vehemently. A sentence like "desire is the root cause of all sorrow" doesn't mean much unless we know what desire and sorrow physically are and why they are what they are.

I am not denying spirituality or philosophy here. Any myth or spiritual philosophy is an honorable attempt of human beings to justify their lives with the limited information they have. But I think there comes a point when any branch of knowledge comes to a dead end. After that point, it can progress only after exchanging information with other branches of knowledge. And perhaps it is time for spiritual philosophy to exchange information with neuroscience. No use of engaging in word games.

I am glad of having developed a more than passive interest in neuroscience in past few months.

Lessons....

So this is a cliched idea for a blog post (but who cares?). I left my first job on 15th July after nearly spending two years. It was my first time to deal with "professional" world. And it indeed did teach me few things -

1. An hour for you everyday keeps you happy and if you really want to do it, you'll find time for you *anyway*.

2. At any moment of distress, remember "this moment will pass". Talk to your roommates and friends. They are the real stress-busters.

3. Its better to spend some of the "browsing breaks" on something else other than social-networks.

4. To err is human. Be little lenient to others. Who knows, you may go wrong some day.

5. Instead of having "I-am-concerned-with-only-my-work" attitude, discuss ideas with others and let others discuss their ideas with you.

6. Identify your most creative time of the day and try to make the most of it.

Did they miss the point?

Yesterday on google buzz I had posted a news from Times of India - 12 years boy raped an older girl in Delhi. I posted it saying that its a most depressing news I have ever read.

To my surprise, in addition to some frivolous comments, I was also asked what was so shocking in the news and why it was depressing.

To me it was shocking because its something far far beyond my wild expectations of what should happen in the world. Things will happen which I do not expect but this was far beyond the limit I was prepared for. But why was it depressing? Thats the point I'd like to make here.

Of course the world is almost always raw and cruel. But it does not mean we want it to be raw and cruel. We want to make it better. And the good people are putting their every bit of effort to make it better. It was depressing for me because it made me feel such efforts are falling terribly short. That was the point. Now some may say that one incidence does not reflect the fact. But sometimes more-than-bewildering incidents have a power to cause a huge emotional upset.

If even such a terrible news is not shocking (and/or depressing) to people, well, its their choice! To me, if such a news is shocking (and depressing) then it tells me that I am not yet emotionally dead.

That kinda feeling

Suppose you don't get even bare minimum (or sound sleep) for two consecutive nights with a very stressful and turbulent day between them. You wake up and you want to describe the feeling you are having.

This was the situation with me today morning. I got up and wanted to describe the feeling I was having. Instead of all possible English words or phrases in the Oxford dictionary or any other dictionary on the planet, the following words came to my mind-

Feeling like an unstable isotope

And I thought it summed up my feelings quite well :)

Crossing the quarter century mark

Many times during last month, I felt the urge to write. I did write some articles too but did not post it. Somehow I felt the articles did not come quite good. Its another question whether the articles that I post too are good enough.

I turned 25 this 1st May. And many people reminded me that I have scored a quarter century. The last year will go down my memory lane as one of the most memorable. Somehow I came out from my nagging and depressing introspection and slowly I'm learning to be more bindhaas. Though I have a perpetual hint of smile on my face, in reality, when I'm alone I did tend to be very serious kinda person. (They say the same about Abraham Lincoln :D ). I was unable to accept changes which threatened my comfort zone. I still am not not entirely comfortable with it but there are signs of improvement. The biggest burdens were my own expectations and the inevitable necessity to control this burden brings about. I read some philosophy and it invariably led me to depressing thoughts.

But somehow last year has made me realize strongly that nothing in life's quirks is worth much bothering about and no philosophy is complete. You cannot have complete control and have the things the way you wanted. In fact, life is fun only because there is uncertainty and chaos galore. Absolute control would render the life very dull and boring. Contradictions are part and parcel of life and the only answer to such situations is forty-two. In fact, I strongly suspect that 42 is indeed the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything. (For non-hitchhiker-guide readers, it means that in general life does not make much sense and you must read this book, its the craziest I have ever read). Though it does not make much sense, it does not mean that you should not try to bring a little order in things around you but the key point is that after you give it your best, do not bother much about the results and accept the results the way they turn out to be. If the results do not make much sense, remember that the answer is forty-two and move on.

Talking about my dabbling with philosophy and the resulting depressing thoughts, somehow I have come to the conclusion that no philosophy will ever be sufficient to answer all the aspects of life. In fact the only philosophy that may work in every situation is "Take the best possible action according to situation without being very rigid with do-s and dont-s". Realizing this has had a lot of effect on me. Now I don't spend my time brooding over philosophy but try to be present in that situation, try to be present in that moment. Avoiding unnecessary and futile philosophical conundrums and trying to live the moment has made my life much more peaceful and happy.

Preaching and practicing are two different things but at least realizing this stuff has made the 25th year very special for me.

- Onkar